She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
