Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Say something about gay babies.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
