Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize