Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
