I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Enjoy the penises
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
