fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
