Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
