May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
