We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
