is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
