There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is Oprah even human
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize