OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
