At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
