Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
