that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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