I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
