I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
