i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm both gender and math confused
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
