Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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