david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
