matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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