There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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