Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
