I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
