the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
