We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
