I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My penis needs a shock collar
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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