she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
