Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize