sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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