guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
