I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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