So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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