Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
