Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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