I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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