I think I won the penis lottery.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
