i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
birth control should be required to get into college
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize