Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
