I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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