Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
