Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
