sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
