so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
