In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
