I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
