i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
