Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
