She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
