is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
