i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize