Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
