That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
