I need help removing her.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
