in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
