I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize