he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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