Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
