I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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