She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
