i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
