beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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