You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
